{"id":218,"date":"2006-03-21T06:04:00","date_gmt":"2006-03-21T11:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/madstone.net\/?p=218"},"modified":"2006-03-21T06:04:00","modified_gmt":"2006-03-21T11:04:00","slug":"why-lobsters-arent-food","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?p=218","title":{"rendered":"Why lobsters aren’t food"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Why lobsters aren’t food<\/a>:
BY DAVE BARRY<\/p>\n

(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Jan. 26, 1996.)<\/p>\n

I am pleased to report that the scientific community has finally stopped wasting time on the origins of the universe and started dealing with the important question, which is: Are lobsters really just big insects?<\/p>\n

I have always maintained that they are. I personally see no significant difference between a lobster and, say, a giant Madagascar hissing cockroach, which is a type of cockroach that grows to approximately the size of William Howard Taft (1857-1930). If a group of diners were sitting in a nice restaurant, and the waiter were to bring them each a freshly killed, steaming-hot Madagascar hissing cockroach, they would not put on silly bibs and eat it with butter. No, they would run, retching, directly from the restaurant to the All-Nite Drive-Thru Lawsuit Center. And yet these very same people will pay $24.95 apiece to eat a lobster, despite the fact that it displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely:<\/p>\n

1. It has way more legs than necessary.<\/p>\n

2. There is no way you would ever pet it.<\/p>\n

3. It does not respond to simple commands such as, “Here, boy!””<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Why lobsters aren’t food:BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Jan. 26, 1996.) I am pleased to report that the scientific community has finally stopped wasting time on the origins of the universe and started dealing with the important question, which is: Are lobsters really just big insects? I have … Continue reading “Why lobsters aren’t food”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-218","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-post"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pgY3e-3w","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":229,"url":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?p=229","url_meta":{"origin":218,"position":0},"title":"Dave Barry","author":"Jorah","date":"May 30, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"A tip for the hurricane season: Try to have some kind of a clueby DAVE BARRY The 2006 hurricane season is here, and if you're a resident of Florida, you know what that means: It means you have the IQ of bean dip. If you had any working brain cells,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Post"","block_context":{"text":"Post","link":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?cat=30"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":210,"url":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?p=210","url_meta":{"origin":218,"position":1},"title":"Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden Visit October 2005","author":"Jorah","date":"November 13, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Myrriah and I recently took my Mom to visit the Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden to see the Dave Rogers Big Bugs exhibition. This small site documents our visit. While the artist has his own photo gallary online, I don't think I did too badly with these photos, though some are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Post"","block_context":{"text":"Post","link":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?cat=30"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":91,"url":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?p=91","url_meta":{"origin":218,"position":2},"title":"BlogChannell","author":"Jorah","date":"September 23, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"BlogChannell Foofoo has started blogging... as Dave might say... \"cool\"","rel":"","context":"In "Post"","block_context":{"text":"Post","link":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?cat=30"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":10,"url":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?p=10","url_meta":{"origin":218,"position":3},"title":"Since My Nephew and His Wife Are Blogging…","author":"Jorah","date":"April 4, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"...I figured that I might as well start up again. They are at: Dave and Juliet's Universe","rel":"","context":"In "Post"","block_context":{"text":"Post","link":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?cat=30"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":172,"url":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?p=172","url_meta":{"origin":218,"position":4},"title":"The Empire That Was Russia: The Prokudin-Gorskii Photographic Record Recreated (A Library of Congress Exhibition)","author":"Jorah","date":"August 6, 2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Old Russia in Color (thanks for the link, Dave!) The Prokudin-Gorskii Photographic Record","rel":"","context":"In "Post"","block_context":{"text":"Post","link":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?cat=30"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":74,"url":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?p=74","url_meta":{"origin":218,"position":5},"title":"Cooper: Well-designed products","author":"Jorah","date":"July 31, 2004","format":false,"excerpt":"by Dave Cronin A common affliction plaguing many of us interaction designers is the propensity to complain and kvetch about every piece of software on our computers, cell-phones and cars. And it's true -there is a lot of bad software out there. To offset this sometimes irritating tendency to critique\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Post"","block_context":{"text":"Post","link":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/?cat=30"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/218","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=218"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/218\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=218"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=218"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madstone.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=218"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}